Middle Earth Music Market Analysis
by Admarian
Summary: Clipping from Middle Earth's leading music industry publication on the findings of RIAA Marketing Analysts. Who's in the Middle Earth Top 40?


From Middle Earth Music News Weekly:  
  
RIAA Analyzes Middle Earth Music Preferences to Boost Sales  
  
In an effort to boost music sales, RIAA publicity executives conducted an intensive study of Middle Earth listening habits to decide how best to target Real World Acts to the Fantasy Audience. So, who scores in Moria? Who ranks in Rohan? We got our hands on the data to bring you the answers-- and a few inside scoops!  
  
Let's start with Mordor. Analysts found that sometimes you just have to go with your gut--and their intestines were right. Mordor with its characteristic end-of-the-world atmosphere was very receptive to Marilyn Manson. They also found Ozzy Osbourne appealing--both musically and with his family on Television. Strangely, along with this dark Ameri-Goth rock, the evil residents of the land of Shadow also had an interest in Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. And though they disliked most of the Shakira catalog, they did find the English versions of "Inevitable" and "Whenever, Wherever" acceptable (the Spanish versions were hated).  
  
Also scoring high on the Evil Meter was Moria. The subterranean residents of this under-mountain location were less accepting of the goth stylings, instead they preferred the tough-guy gangsta rap sounds of PDiddy, Snoop Dog and, as one Moria orc put it, "anything from Death Row Records, yo." With the excellent acoustics of the various underground chambers, the pounding of the bass is truly spectacular. In a mirror of their Mordor counterparts, they also had a strange penchant for the lighter female side sighting JLo as a big hit.  
  
In a vain attempt to live up to the two truly evil locations, Isengard's Uruk-hai population has brought wannabe imitations of Mordor and Moria's evil picks to the top of the charts. Clearly the repetition of the same Boy Bands (Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, 98 Degrees, etc) laced with repetitions from other genres (Shania Twain, Tim McGraw, Queens of the Stone Age, Eminem) shows a lack of real musical taste, and more of a herd mentality bent more on forming an evil image through over-exposure, than the true likes and dislikes of the area.  
  
Moving to the lighter side of the charts, we have the hip, sophisticated Kingdom of Gondor. Analysts found a wide range of musical interests throughout the realm from orchestral to pop. Leading the list of favorites- -for the White City in particular--analysts found The Corrs, U2, Sting and various works by John Williams and Howard Shore. A seventh-level innkeeper summed up the city's choices with this statement," with neighbors like Mordor, you want something lighter, but you also don't want anything completely vapid."  
  
Though officially part of Gondor, the region of Ithilien had a different range of tastes. Though the more sophisticated tastes of The White City were evident, Ithilien's high concentration of rangers displayed a greater appreciation for a slightly more alternative sound. Linkin Park, Creed, Dave Matthews Band and Pearl Jam all boasted fans among the rough and tumble rangers. As one bowman stated, "We live a little more edgy kind of life than the rest of our Gondorian countrymen. The Corrs are hot, but when it's time to kick ass, you need something with some more punch than 'Would You Be Happier?'" It is also noted that these quiet defenders like all the Shakira that Mordor doesn't. "We take delight in blasting the real version of 'Inevitable'," one Ranger said with a laugh. "We love it, they hate it. It's perfect."  
  
Further north, another of the races of Men showed it's own unique tastes. The folks of the Riddermark throw their support to country artists Reba McEntire, Garth Brooks, George Strait and a host of others-a fitting match for these bbq and beer folks. "It's not that we don't like what Gondor's listening to," said one shield-maiden, "it's just not really us. And as for Reba, well, she's kick ass-Rohirrim women identify with her."  
  
Beyond the realm of the Horse-Lords, the locals of Fangorn Forrest--The Ents--have their own tastes in music. Here we found that the massive organ fugues of Bach were highly popular. There was also a large fan-base for Gregorian Chants. "We move at our own pace," one Spruce said. "There's complexity and some speed, but it never feels hasty. We don't do hasty."  
  
Another set of tree-dwellers, the Elves of Lothlorien, have their own picks. "Loreena McKennitt," one Elf said without hesitation. "She gets it. She has the stories. She has the feel. If she's not actually an elf, she must have had one in her family tree somewhere." Other Celtic artists were also popular, though not as much as McKennitt. "Enya's okay. And Dolores Keane has some good stuff, too. Even getting into some more Rohirrim style music is okay with Nanci Griffith, and the Gondorian's listen to The Corrs, who definitely have echoes of what we like-not much, but enough to be mildly attractive."  
  
Mirkwood Elves sport similar favorites to their Lothlorien cousins, but put Dolores Keane on the top of their playlists. "We still love McKennit," one Woodland Elf explained. "We just feel a bigger kinship to Keane. She seems less 'above it all' than McKennit, and that really reflects Mirkwood. You know?" Also popular were Kathy Mattea ("we can't believe she's not more popular in Rohan, really") and Mary Black.  
  
In a total divergence from the rest of the Elven population, we have the elves of Rivendell. Initial interviews led analysts to believe their tastes reflected those of the Mirkwood and Lothlorien folk, with Enya being on top. But examination of buying habits and playlists told a much different story: Madonna. It seems the Material Girl is secretly quite popular among this group of elves. Vogue is en vogue. No elves were available for comment on this topic.  
  
The Shire folk had none of that shyness about their musical favorites--of which there were many. "It seems like for so long we were isolated," one hobbit lad said. "But with Middle Earth opened up more now thanks to Kazaa, we're sampling what everyone else has to offer." Shortly after that, the hobbit broke into an oddly well-done version of Sting's "Roxanne", followed by his friends taking the stage (read: table) with beers in hand to sing a more traditional Hobbit tune. Even with the sampling, these wee folk have their own distinct tastes. "Barenaked Ladies, Eddie From Ohio and Tom Smith," one hobbit named off, "they have good music and good humor."  
  
The Dwarves also showed an interest in some widely different styles. The top two acts for these hard working metal smiths seem to be Luciano Pavoratti and AC/DC. "The opera resonates with our aesthetic, artistic sides--the craftsmanship of our work," said one dwarf gruffly. "The heavy metal, well, it's easier to dig to that."  
  
Analysts are still tabulating data from the remaining regions of middle earth. RIAA analysts hope to increase their profit margin by 75% to 95% using this data. 


End file.
